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The Dish: Nothing Korny
I smiled when ESPN announced that Tony Kornheiser would be running the Monday Night Football booth.
I used to watch “Pardon The Interruption” all the time, and while the formula was old and tired (probably primarily because the wizards at ESPN Original Entertainment tried to apply it to all the other shows on the show) network), Kornheiser was and is its undoubted star. Also, Tony the Deaf had a great radio show on ESPN where he mostly avoided interviewing stupid athletes and had real opinions on things. While the Dennis Miller experiment didn’t work out (however, I assumed it was the disaster that many did), Kornheiser certainly brings more true sports-goofball humor to the prime time.
Um, not yet.
Last Monday’s debut featuring the Oakland Raiders at the Minnesota Vikings was one of the worst telecasts I’ve ever seen. Mike Tirico gets the pass because even though he’s the ultimate sniffer, he’s a play-by-play guy and thus has little opportunity to inject his own personality (seems too precious to, in fact). But the combination of Kornheiser and the insufferable idiot Joe Theismann (Theismann’s favorite quote: “No one should be called a genius in the game of football. A genius is someone like Norman Einstein”) had me reaching for the mute button sooner. Says Mike Patrick and Paul Maguire.
First, can someone please tell Tony to attach the headset to his noggin more securely? While Tirico and Theismann sounded like they were indoors, Kornheiser appeared to be broadcasting from a distant Washington, D.C. fish tank. Next, here are the first two things Tony the Speaker said: “You’re going to lose at the start of a nationally televised game and you want to hit the hole!” and “Reggie Bush is the type of player people pay to see.” Exactly. Way to go out there, Ton! Theismann, a broadcaster who has never met a dead horse he can’t beat, is like Norman Einstein by comparison. (By the way, did you know Theismann played? Of course you did, because he reminds you every 30 seconds.)
Kornheiser would be a breath of fresh air in a profession — color commentary — too long dominated by jock-cracy: former players who have learned 11 clichés to sound competent to anyone who’s only half-listening. (Make a Fox broadcast one day; without fail — and with the possible exception of Troy Aikman — the stuffed gorilla in the network blazer will say, “He’s playing hard!” at least ten times.) So far, Kornheiser’s identity swallowed and halfway between being funny and having something to say. At least Dennis Miller got the balls out and talked about the Plantagenets.
Any important takeaways we can take from the first full weekend of regular season football?
Bodog.com Bookmakers, BoDog.com: Let’s start the recaps with a direct quote from Clinton Portis: “I injured myself in a game I had no business playing.” You said it, Clinton! Stars are more than sitting ducks in these games. So even though everyone who bet Philly on the Hall of Fame was shooting at Andy Reid posters (do they even make them?) can you root for him to play their fourth-string QB, Timmy Chang, for most of the half? blame the second. ? Preseason football is dangerous. Coaches are scared by Week 1.
What in the world is going on with the St. Louis Cardinals? Do you see them missing the playoffs? Do they have any chance of going to the World Series?
BDB, BoDog.com: The Cards definitely still have a shot at the World Series. Yes, they are 4-6 in their last 10, but the Dodgers are 9-1. That’s just crazy, as is anyone who at least doubts a wild card spot for the Cards. Just look who’s on the hunt.
Can you tell us who you think will be the MVP of the American and National Leagues and tell us why?
BDB, BoDog.com: Close MVP races are usually decided in September, but who doesn’t like Big Papi now? Ortiz and his fantastic fundamental game will likely get away with it, as will Pujols in the NL. If he hadn’t been injured this year, we might have seen a run in the record books. Still, 35 home runs, 95 RBIs and 87 runs batted in isn’t too bad, and a .329 average in mid-August.
What are your thoughts on golf’s fourth major this weekend, the PGA at Medinah? Is it Tiger and everyone else? Are people crazy enough to bet on guys who aren’t one of the best golfers in the world?
BDB, BoDog.com: You’re never crazy enough to win big payouts in a golf tournament, but when it comes to the PGA Championship, the big boys certainly come to play. Tiger, Phil and Vijay shared five of the last eight.
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