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What Should You Do When You Run Into The Mistress Or Other Woman?
I sometimes hear from women who are either thinking of confronting another woman or their mistress, or they think she is confronting them. Sometimes another woman would call or send a letter, and the woman does not know how to react if this woman knocks on her door. As much as many women dream or fantasize about this date, it almost never goes as planned, and actually looking at her face can sometimes leave you frozen.
I heard a woman say, “The other day I was at our school soccer game buying my daughter a snack when I saw the woman my husband was having an affair with. I recently found out that my husband came clean and she pleaded. I know this woman because our children go to the same school. I saw her at the concession stand and because I didn’t know how to react, I pretended I didn’t see her. She saw me because after I left with my snacks I looked over my shoulder and he was following me. I just hurriedly sat down with my husband and then took his hand. But I didn’t even tell him about seeing him. I wondered if I had done it wrong. Should I be with him? would I face him? Did I say something or yell at him to stop following me? How do you act when you see another woman or lady? sort it out?”
My opinion on how a woman should behave when seeing a lady or another woman: Before I get into this particular situation, I should explain that most of the correspondence I receive about this can be divided into two categories. Sometimes the husband still cheats and the wife sees the wife while the affair is going on. Other times, the relationship ends and the woman tries to save her marriage.
I have to admit, it’s harder to stay calm and passive if things are still going on. I know it’s very tempting to tell her, not in words, that you know exactly who she is and that her relationship with your husband needs to end immediately or else. I totally understand you need to do this. However, I would caution you to never put yourself in a situation that could go bad or get out of control. If you need to say something, do it quickly and then remove yourself from the situation. The last thing you want to do is get into any kind of long or emotional exchange, especially where she’s letting you know she’s more determined than ever to hang onto your husband. If you have to say something, quickly state that you know who she is and that the relationship should end. Keep walking, don’t get distracted. Be the bigger person. And never share anything in front of your children.
Let’s be honest, sometimes a straight look with a raised head followed by a smile is more effective than any words you can say because it makes her wonder what you know that she doesn’t. And you won’t lose control or her side effects will drive her crazy. But if you lose control and raise your voice and start watering your eyes, then she knows she’s won, or at least caused you to lose your cool.
Conversely, if it ends, you don’t want her to know you’re still worried about her. Personally, I think the woman in the above example handled the situation well enough. In my opinion, walking away is better than letting him get the better of you, make a scene in front of your kids, and be beneath you in the exchange. The woman wondered what to do when she saw the woman again, as she was bound to appear at various school events. Like I said, I think a blank or cold stare followed by a knowing look or a smile is very effective. If the woman felt she absolutely had to talk to the woman, it should be at a time not in front of the children or other family members. And, frankly, ignoring her is a better alternative (at least in my opinion and experience) than a nasty confrontation that doesn’t really solve anything.
Therefore, if I were to answer the question “how should you behave when you see your husband’s lover”, I would say that it depends on the end of the affair. With that being said, giving up on your temptation or letting him get under your skin is an advantage. This makes him think you’re upset because he’s still a threat, and it can sometimes give him a lot of satisfaction, which is the last thing you want.
In fact, if you think about it, the most harmful thing you can do is make her feel like she doesn’t even care about you anymore. You want her to feel like it’s a minor, fleeting issue that she’s coming up with. However, if you get all upset, or upset, or even angry, she probably knows that’s not the case. Instead, if you can manage it at all, keep your head up, continue whatever you were doing, and look at her if you need to let her know that your interaction wasn’t a fluke. But don’t do something you regret or engage in when there really is no reason to do it. Healing after an affair means moving on, and the more you hang out with him or interact with him, the more he stops you from moving forward.
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