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Balancing Your Work, Family and Social Life
Balancing your work, family and social life
By Gene Grissman, PhD
Many of us picture personal balance as a set of scales in perfect balance every day. But this is an unrealistic goal. If you try to carve out a predetermined amount of time each day for your work, family, and social life, you’ll get frustrated. Illness can destroy all your plans. A business project may require peaks of intense work followed by slow valleys.
Balance requires constant adjustments, like an acrobat on a high wire constantly shifting his weight left and right. By focusing on the four main areas of your life—emotional/spiritual needs, relationships, intellectual and physical needs—at work and away from work, you can begin to keep the high wire safe.
Here, drawn from my conversations with many successful Americans, are ten ideas for balancing all aspects of your life:
1. Make an appointment with yourself. Get rid of the thought that everyone is better than you. Don’t use your organizer or calendar just to meet other people. Take some time for yourself. Do something you enjoy regularly. It recharges your batteries. Once you’ve set yourself up on your calendar, save these appointments. Kay Koplowitz, founder of the US cable television network that broadcasts 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 52 weeks a year. For 21 years, Koplowitz managed the daily operations of the network. For more than two decades, there has always been a potential lawsuit against him. Therefore, he carefully defended the planned tennis match as a business meeting.
2. Take care of your body. Having high energy levels is a trait that many successful people have. No matter what your current energy level is, you can increase it by following these steps:
eat Do not throw away food. Your physical and mental energy depends on food. Irregular eating patterns can lead to moodiness, depression, lack of creativity, and an upset stomach.
Practice. Highly successful people emphasize the benefits of exercise over and over again. Jonetta Cole, president of Bennett College for Women and former president of Spelman College, walks four miles every morning. He calls it his mobile meditation. The benefits of exercise are mental, emotional, physical and mental. If you are healthier and have more stamina, you can perform better and longer.
Rest. A psychologist who has studied creative people reports that they often relax and sleep a lot.
3. Cut up some slack. You don’t have to do everything. Just the right stuff. Publisher Steve Forbes taught me a lesson: “Don’t be a slave to your box. Just because something exists doesn’t mean you have to.” As a result, every evening I cross off a few “must-dos” from my long to-do list for the next day. If, however, at three o’clock the next day, I have crossed off all the “must-do’s”, I know that everything I do that day will be the icing on the cake. This is a huge psychological plus for me.
There is nothing wrong with pushing yourself hard, disciplining yourself
when you hold yourself to high standards, do what you gotta do. It’s empowering and makes you a pro. However, you must forgive yourself. You will never be 100% efficient and you shouldn’t expect to be. After something doesn’t work, ask yourself, “Did I do my best? If you did, accept the result. It’s all you can do.
4. Blur the boundaries. Some very successful people achieve balance by setting aside times or days for family, fun, hobbies, etc. They create boundaries around certain activities and protect them. Other people who seem to be successful do the opposite. They blur the boundaries. Counselor Alan Weiss says: “I work from home. In the afternoon I might watch my kids play in the pool or go out with my wife. On Saturdays or at ten o’clock at night during the week, I do things that inspire me and when that they are compatible.”
Some jobs don’t lend themselves to this strategy. But blurring the boundaries is more possible than you might think. One way is to involve the people you care about in what you do. For example, many companies encourage employees to bring their spouses to conferences and annual meetings. This is a good idea. If people who mean a lot to you understand what you do, they can share more fully in your successes and failures. They are also more likely to be a good sounding board for your ideas.
5. Take a break. Many therapists believe that taking a break from the routine can have great benefits for mental and physical health. Professional speaker and executive coach Barbara Pagano practices a kind of quick recharge by planning one day every few months without a diary. For her, this means staying asleep, unplugging the phone, watching an old movie or reading a novel in bed. For that one day, nothing happens except what he decides hour by hour. Adds singer-songwriter Billy Joel: “Sometimes you have to leave the field empty.” Joel explains what farmers often do: let a plot rest and let the soil replenish itself.
6. Take the road less traveled. Sometimes get off the expressway and take a side road, literally and figuratively. This path can take you to the library or the golf course. Do something unusual to avoid the pitfalls of your life. Try a new way of working, a different radio or cereal. Sometimes break out of your old mold with a new style of clothing or other hobbies. The path less traveled can be a reward after an intense event, a carrot that you reward yourself with, or it can be a good way to lighten up before a big event. Bobby Dodd, the legendary football coach at Georgia Tech, knew the power of this concept. While other coaches put their teams through brutal twice-a-day practices, Dodd’s team completed their drills and practices, but then took time to relax, play touch football and enjoy bowl sites. Did the idea work? In six consecutive games of the championship!
7. Be quiet. Susan Taylor, the editorial director of Essence, makes sure she has quiet time every morning. She sees it as a time to center—to be still and listen. He keeps a pen and paper with him to record the thoughts that come to him. How you use your alone time should be consistent with your values, beliefs, and temperament. Some people set aside regular time each day to visualize their goals and dreams. Others read, pray, meditate, do yoga, or simply contemplate the sunrise or sunset. Whatever it is, time spent alone can have great benefits. Successes are about the inner strength they find and how it helps them keep up with competing demands. They are more confident and self-confident in their choices. They discover a sense of balance, concentration.
8. Be a patriot in peacetime. Joe Posner made a fortune and recognition selling life insurance. A few years ago, Posner helped start an organization in his hometown of Rochester, New York, to prepare underprivileged children for school and life, hoping to break the cycle of poverty. You can find a worthy way to give back through your church, hospital, civic club, alumni association, or by doing something worthwhile. Or you can help individuals, even anonymously. There are valuable rewards for balancing personal interests with the needs of the common good. One of the most amazing things is the incredible joy that comes from giving. Another reward is the better world you help create.
9. Do what you love. As a child, Aaron Copland spent hours listening to his sister practice the piano because he loved music. Following this love, he became the most famous composer in classical America. When I asked him years later if he even regretted that choice, Copeland replied, “My life has been interesting.” What is the word that can sum up life? By itself, loving what you do does not ensure success. You should be good at what you love. But if you love what you do, the time you spend becoming competent is likely to be a challenge.
10. Focus on strategy. Although important, how to save time to balance your life is not the ultimate question. The question is, “What am I saving time for?” Strategy is associated with success – but successful at what? If others are paying your salary, being strategic generally means convincing them that you are spending your time in a way that will benefit them. If there is an argument about how to use your time, or people who can reward or punish you, convince them that your idea of how to use your time is appropriate, or look for another job. “What for?” The question should also be asked about your life. This is really a comprehensive question and concerns the issue of completeness.
So what makes for a successful balanced life? I can’t think of a better definition than that of Ralph Waldo Emerson:
laugh often and a lot; worthy of respect of intelligent people and love of children; worthy of the appreciation of honest critics and enduring the treachery of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a little better, whether by a healthy child, a garden, or a redeemed social status; to know that even one life has breathed easier because I have lived. This is to be successful.
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